Subject: ADULT: FILK: Nick's Balls Date: Fri, 19 Feb 1999 00:10:33 -0500 From: "Brenda F. Bell" To: FKFIC-L@LISTS.PSU.EDU During the US Civil War, when "Johnny Comes Marching Home" -- itself a then-new set of lyrics to the Irish anti-war ballad, "Johnny, I Hardly Knew Ye" -- was parodied by both Union and Confederate soldiers, the "hurrah" or "hurroo" line was often replaced with a phrase such as "for bales", "for balls", "footballs", etc. -- with the anatomical pun very much *in*tended. Hearing the children's version of this as the local superdrug was playing "ANTZ" as a suggestion to buy the video, I started thinking about it, and decided I *had* to play around with this century-plus-old formula for the music. This is a work of parody, copyright 1999 by Brenda F. Bell. Forever Knight characters are owned by SONY/Tri-Star. "When Johnny Comes Marching Home" should be in the public domain, though specific transcriptions, arrangements, lyric sets, and performances may be copyright by the transcribers, arrangers, performers, record labels, and publishing companies. Permission is given to post this to the FKFanfic and FTP sites. Others, please ask first. Rated adult for innuendo. ***** Nick's Balls (Tune: When Johnny Comes Marching Home) Nick has something Nat'lie needs: Two balls, two balls Nick has something Nat'lie needs: Two balls, two balls Nick has something Nat'lie needs, But he can't give it to her unless he feeds -- And he'd drain her bone dry If he were to give her balls. One ball is an easy toss, Nick's balls, Nick's balls One ball is an easy toss, Nick's balls, Nick's balls; One ball is an easy toss The second, one has to toss across But he'd drain Nat bone dry If she were to toss his balls. Nat wants to toss them in a ring Nick's balls, Nick's balls She wants to toss them in a ring Nick's balls, Nick's balls She wants to toss them in a ring 'Cos that would really make them sing But he'd drain her bone dry If she were to toss his balls. Next she'd toss them with Janette Nick's balls, Nick's balls Next she'd toss them with Janette Nick's balls, Nick's balls Next she'd toss them with Janette -- Two-by-six, a typical set They would drain Nick bone dry Playing with his balls. Lacroix wants him to come and play With balls, his balls But Nick has put them back away His balls, his balls Lacroix wants Nick to come and play But Nick says, "Wait another day" 'Cos you'd drain me bone dry Playing with my balls. Natalie sent Nick to school For balls, for balls To teach him how to use his tool -- His balls! his balls! Nick placed first within his class 'Cos he could toss them with his glass If he drained it bone dry, Ere he would toss his balls. Now they're nowhere to be found Nick's balls, Nick's balls, 'Cos Nat'lie likes to clown around Nick's balls, Nick's balls She tosses them around and round And keeps them flying off the ground They're high and bone dry Nick cannot use his balls. Nick's the type who likes to snuggle His balls, his balls Nick's the type who likes to snuggle His balls, his balls Nick's the type who likes to snuggle, But watch! look out! see Natalie juggle They're flying high, up in the sky Two-by-six with juggling sticks How they sing within a ring Nick's set of juggling balls. (And here, you thought I was talking about something *else*, weren't you?) Brenda F. Bell webwarren@earthlink.net /nick TMana IM: n2kye Arctophile, computer addict, TREKker, stealth photographer... UA, PoCBS, FKPagan; Neon-Green GlowWorm HugMistress of the Ger Bear Project http://members.Tripod.com/~TMana/ Gerthering 3 Photos: http://nj5.injersey.com/~ic97/gertherng/ Visit the Fiendish Glow at http://home.earthlink.net/~webwarren/glow/